Merry Christmas! 52 52 [Life]+[DOMO]*New

LIFE (not that interesting…)

Hi everybody! its time for Christmas again and as much as I love this time of the year I’m sure that I’m not alone when I say that this can also be the saddest of holidays either because of love or family problems but for the sake of those around you keep a smile on your face no matter how hard it is keep that smile on. When those around you see you smile they will smile too and that alone will make your Christmas time incredible.

Today during school there was a talent show and it was hyper stressful for me because I was doing the tech. portion of the show (ie. Sound, Light) and for some reason I decided to take a lot of responsibility on this show unlike the others where I usually just follow Wil (good friend/tech. head) around and do what he said. This was a lot more frustrating than I thought but the outcome was pretty worth it in my opinion. I guess its true when they say that anything you make yourself will always seem better. As stressful as it was I found the boost of confidence at the end when people tell me how well it worked out worth it. I’m currently thinking if i should pursue this further into university because if I do then it will require me to do more shows at school. I haven’t really looked into it yet but it seems like it will be a fun thing to do don’t you? Being in charge of the lights and fireworks at a concert? or even managing the sound and light for a musical production. What do you guys think does that sound at all appealing?

My Christmas break started today after the talent show. During the set-up for the talent show I met up with Sam and she seemed sad so I walked up to try to figure out what the problem was. Apparently her partner for her cover of “Christmas in my heart – Sarah Connor” was missing and she was scared that she’d have to do the show alone. Just watching her face filled with so much worry and sadness made me feel… uncomfortable so I tried to cheer her up and just said things like ” Don’t worry she’ll be here I’m sure of it” and “If anything I’m sure you can sing both the parts right?” I guessing it helped because she gave me a little smile as she went back to worrying. I put my palms out waiting for her to give me high five because I had to finish setting up but when she gave me the high five something in me reacted. For some reason when her hands touched mine I wanted to hold onto them and make her feel better. The moment I noticed my palms try to close I backed away and went back to setting up the microphones… It’s Christmas and I’m sure that she’s happy with her boyfriend right now so I can’t act on my feelings alone… I have to take her feelings into consideration so I need to keep my distance even though it hurts so much for some stupid reason. I keep remembering how last year I spent Christmas at her house watching The OC on her little couch as I layed down the starred at her giant Christmas tree. I was warm under the blanket she gave me and mesmerized by the tree. Last year was when my mom had asked what I would do if she had a divorce with my dad who is in “who knows where”. That moment I was at her house her tree made me feel happy… it was the only feeling that reminded me of the fun I had back when I was smaller and I would set up the tree with my whole family… I miss those days… I hate my dad.

———————————————————

DOMO

Domo may sound weird but its a new game that my cousin discovered and showed me and now me and a bunch of my friends are starting. This game is a free MMORPG with a very unquie relationships system which allows you to do quests with people you are friends with to gain relationship points and when you hit a certain point you will be able to do joint attacks. It has just come out for about 3 weeks for open beta so there are more classes comming out and the best part is they have a class system where you have sub classes. This means you can be literally 2 classes at the same time and use both skills but you will have to train the classes one at a time. (ie. My main job is Martial artists, my sub class is theif. If i want to train my theif job I will have to change my main job to Theif and Martial artist to sub class. But I will be able to use skills from both classes.) More classes are coming out for that game so it has an incredible amount of room for every character to be unique in their own way. I highly recommend people to at the very minimum check out the game before you give up on it.

http://domo.aeriagames.com/

———————————————

ENDING

Thats all for now everybody if you want drop a comment and please! HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Ops… forgot to say this… er for the next 2 days, dec. 22 and 23, I will be going to my annual trip to casino rama where I will be fattened up with free food and a free hotel. The food is pretty high class and is extremely good tasting, Ill be sure to take some pics of them when I’m there. Also I’m going to be skiing while I have a cold so yea… thats going to be fun…

My next post will probably when i come back so until them feel free to comment and for all those who play MS I would love it if you could find me an inspirational BW WK lol. For those who know me in real life feel free to give me christmas presents ^^V. PS. I am going to try to do a cover of some song with my friend during the break so that might be fun to look forward to.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AGAIN!

~LokiT

 

A Smack from the past [Life]

It’s been a hellishly long time since i last posted and I won’t make any excuses… I got lazy… lately I’ve had some love problems which i ended up solving on my own without telling anybody and I find that quite an achievement. Although all that is quite a long moment on its own that isn’t the point of this post.

Last Friday the school choir was performing at one of the elementary schools in the nieghbourhood which meant I got a free day from school and i decided to head to my friend Simon’s house to eat lunch because I basically got off school at 11pm ^^V. After walking Samantha home we headed over to Simon’s house and we decided to eat viet food for lunch but while we walked there on the sidewalk there was a chubby black thing lying there and I didn’t really pay much attention to it until we got closer. The closer I walked the more it seemed familiar to the eye as I noticed a long part of it sticking out from one side… at that point I noticed what it really was… A black cat.

The snow was falling hard that afternoon as it blew right into my face and even harder on the lifeless feline body lying down on the side walk. I felt sad for the poor little kitty and then i remembered it. It was the same cat that I saw last summer at the field about 1 block from where the body was. There was no mistake about it, I remember clearly that I saw it just a few days after my cat charlie died and I took the leftover cat foods at home and put it in the box where I saw it run away from. I mentioned to simon that there is a dead cat infront and so we decided to just go have lunch and try to forget about it. After spending like $10 on lunch and when we left the restaurant we saw the cat again. We were heading over to his house to play games and when we got to his door i asked for a box and 2 plastic bags. We walked back over to the dead cat and I put it into the box and then walked a block to the field where i first saw it and put the box under a tree.

Seeing the dead cat on the street like that reminded me of Charlie and how i wasn’t able to be there to see him at his last moments… It was quite saddening to be hit with the realization that i didn’t do enough for my cat and now that it’s too late it just makes it that much harder. I just hope that the cat on the street is happy that Simon and I put his body back to it’s home. Also that Charlie knows that I’m sorry for not being able to spend that much time with him.

I’m sorry Charlie.

PS: I want to do something for his anniversary on Feburary 7th, please give suggestions

-Tommy

~Loki

——————————————————————————————

Gaming update

Before the winter break and probably during it I will be switching between MS and Spiritus RO (a private server for Ragnarok Online) so if anybody wants more info on this just leave a comment

[MS]After talking to B0wjob for a bit I think I’ve finally decided to continue with my blunt weapon page. The idea of a blunt weapon white knight seems to be very unique and at the same time it’s really entertaining to know that I can change my elements whenever I feel like. This is probably going to be the hardest character I’ve ever played and I will be starting this character probably during the winter break and it is currently on level 50. This is going to be quite a slow process though lol so if anybody is playing on scania drop a comment here and I’ll PM you in game when I start up again.

 

Why is it so hard to be the good guy?

    It’s been another while since my last post and I’ve grown very tired of many things near me. The week started off rather nice and I felt that this week would be quite a happy week but sadly i was wrong. For the past 2 days not including today I have had the most happy dreams for a long time.

On Wednesday my dream was once again revolved around Sam and unlike the previous one which was quite depressing this was on the other side of the spectrum. It was a formal occasion where I was forced to wear my suit and dress pants. If I can remember it correctly it resembled something like a banquet if not the semi formal and I remember being very happy and doing some breakdancing things during the dances. After a long period of breaking I met up with Sam beside a large 3 seat couch. Sam was with her friends and she had a camera taking random pictures. I looked at her and she seemed really happy and when I saw somebody walk in through the door and while I was walking over to say hi Sam started takings pictures of me and then I smiled as I posed for some of the pictures and when I moved closer we started to waltz and slow dance. At this moment i accidentally woke up and then forced myself to sleep again desperately attempting to regain the same dream but sadly it was lost and I went through the day smiling randomly.

On thursday my dream was… harder to remember…

(I need time to think about some stuff… Ill continue you this in a day or something)

 

In my Dreams [Dreaming!]

Ok something awkward happen last night when I slept… for once in like a month i have actually had a very detailed dream where I actually remember most of what happened. This dream in particular is pretty interesting and I actually have a few things to say in a Psychological view that I want to know if you guys think are right or not.

Sunday, October 7th, 2007

It began with an awkward setting of what seemed to be my school except it was a lot bigger and more high tech than usual with esculators and elevators at the places where there used to be stairs. It was also a lot cleaner than my normal school. I walk into school at around 6:30 AM not knowing what I’m doing I head over to the break dancing corner to practice and amazingly the floor was hard wood in that specific corner like it was made from the bboys. I practiced for what seemed to be only a few seconds as I pulled off some moves which I’ve only seen on youtube videos. I look up at the clock and it was already time for class but instead I head over to the cafeteria.

When I opened the door I noticed the overhead was out and somebody was setting up the projector so I help out and when everything was done I went to class and told my teacher I was helping out with the assembly and then walked back down to the cafe. The trip was abnormally long and by the time I got to the cafe my drama production teacher told me that he was letting a few other people try to host an assembly to give them experience so I could just go and chill somewhere. I took the opportunity to go practice some more breaking but I noticed my hands were really dirty so I took the elevator upstairs to the washroom so I could wash my hands.

I walk up to a room and then noticed that Sam was standing there talking to her friends, as I smiled and said hi I turned to the left to open the door to what I thought would be the washroom but instead I enter a room with just a sink a the walls were covered with eye level mirrors. I quickly wash my hands and was about to leave when Sam stumbled in and crashed into my torso and then looked at my eyes and said ” I can’t do it, I’m too cold” ( no idea what that meant) and I walked behind her to try to put my sweater on her but it was gone. In stead i walked up closer and hugged her as I grabbed her hands and noticed that they really were cold so I held her tightly as she said ” I’m so cold” and i started to rub my hands against her arms to create heat with the friction. She eventually warmed up and as i held her tightly and then looked in the mirror she looked happy. The dream literally froze here for what I thought to be 5 minutes of me just holding her and when I let go and tried to leave my body started to feel really cold.

——————————————————————————–

And thats where the dream ended… I have a feeling this dream was kinda brought up due to over thinking about what happened in my previous post and I think it means that I’m not ready to let go but I eventually will but when I do it will be cold and scary… well I don’t really like analyzing my own dreams because it confuses me so give your ideas please

 

Hectic Month… [Life]

It’s been a while since i updated and i apologize but seriously I’ve never had this much stress before… Okay, so school has officially entered its second month of hell. How shall I summarize the past month…

Key Items:

- I have a temporary Dog

- I have no inspiration to stay in school

- I have a feeling I might quit choir

Ok so lets start from the beginning… last time I left off was somewhere into the first or second week of school. Since then I have once again implemented my procrastination method of “Zero Effort = Highest marks” which I have to say is working alot better than I would expect in a Gr.11 environment… To elaborate, this semester I have Drama Production, Math, Intro. to APS (Anthropology, Psychology, Sociology), and World religions . I have Drama Production has homeroom which basically means its requires next to no effort mainly because I’m in “Sound & Light Crew” which means I already know the technical stuff to host assemblies and so on and the course basically teaches that so I’m pretty set.

My second period is either IAPS or World Religions (it depends on the day) and my IAPS teacher is really nice and funny which makes the class which I already had a big interest in all that much better so unlike other things I tend to put more effort into this course just because its fun and it entertains me. Now World Religion on the other hand is the worst class you can ever take T.T it’s pointless, boring, useless and all round stupid. This course teaches you about the basics of the major religions which is basic info that you could get from a gr. 3 text book and to add to the stupidity of the course my teacher can’t teach. He is extremely boring, his “jokes” are pathetic, and the worst of all is he tends to repeat the same point 5 times in different wording so literally he has spent 3 days telling us how “this course is not to convert you, it just touches on the major religions but nobody can learn everything about 1 religion because that impossible”. Now take that quote and see how many times you can take it reword it to make the same thing… yea amazing right? he lasted 3 days…

My last course is college math which is not as bad as religion mainly because my teacher “can” teach its just she is not very entertaining but in terms of knowledge I think this is the only year where I’m actually taking in the information that she’s teaching. But… the bad part is she asks me for a note every time I’m away which makes it hard to skip or do anything… but I guess I just gotta tank it for 1 more year then I can say goodbye to math forever.

__________________________________________________________________

That basically covered my courses and my impressions of the first month. Ok so my stress problems are mainly revolving around school… I have a feeling its because I’m still in the summer mood so getting back into the working speed of school is taking longer than I expected. My grades are pretty decent and probably a bit above average. But because it’s been the first month of school it meant that the first big unit test came and so for that past week I’ve had 2 unit tests, 1 quiz, and 1 presentation. Within this one long ass week I have felt more stress than I have from the stress from the whole gr.10 year. My shoulders are so tense that it’s like a dragonball super sayian in that they have muscles that connect their neck to their shoulders and my muscles are so tense that they wont relax. Thank god this long weekend had come because i really need to use this as a chance to just chill with my friends and maybe take a nap.

Something interesting about my first month of school would be the fact that for the first time since school started I finally got to see Sam face to face. She got prettier, her hair is dyed slightly red and straightened. She used less make up than she use to… it fits her more to show her true face. I looked at her when we I entered the room to choir and within that tiny little glance i could not see anything. I could not see that speck of light that I use to see in her eyes, the speck of light which made me happy enough to get through gr.10 without failing. The feeling I had when i looked into her eyes is like the feeling I get when I see a stranger on the street, the feeling that they don’t know you, they don’t care about you, they don’t notice you. Why do I get this feeling? Why from her? Why do I have to get this feeling from the one person who kept me motivated to stay in school for 2 years, the person who was the reason that I took up break dancing, the person that was supposed to be my “one and only”? Is it just that she doesn’t care anymore? When did the light die out…

Is it even her? did I move on? If I did then why do I care so much about what she thinks?… why do I still care about her. That day after choir I have tried my best to avoid looking into her eyes for the whole week.

_______________________________________________________

Um… back to some happier stuff… my aunt got married last week but sadly there was no abalone and I love abalone… right lol so for the month that she was planning her wedding she had to do make-up prep and other things and since she has dog allergies (which makes me wonder why she got a dog to begin with T.T) we offered to take care of him for the month and right now he’s still here. A mix between a taco bell dog and another midget dog which kinda makes him a perfect breed in my eyes because she has short golden brown fur which means it wont loose hair as much and its tiny so it kinda looks a baby golden retriever with a more brown coloured fur. Awkwardly its a boy but its named Evee… yes just like the pokemon. For the first week I tried not to get emotionally attached because he reminded me of Charlie but now its not so bad I guess but I kinda like cats more because dogs are too active and I cant keep up with my lazy ass life style.

its a little dark but thats him.

________________________________________

I think I’m going to free up my schedule a bit and start gaming again… right now for MS I only log on to play like 20 min then I log off again so yea… when I start to grind more I will notify everybody.

I think thats a fair amount for 1 update right? well if anything I will write more soon and this time it won’t be such a long time difference… sorry for everybody who was waiting. Seya and HAPPY THANKS GIVING!

~Tommy

 

Sorry. Big update [Game/Life]

Err… for those who even check up on this site or even to those who know about it im really sure if you were waiting for me to post. Ok lately it has been a hell of thoughts, school problems, Love confusion and much much more… I guess this is a better time than any to start updating right? ^^ ok well heres i go. Prepare for a LONG LONG LONG blog of possibly the length of 2 pages in line paper. And yes i will be repeating words 3 times so i can cheat some room ^^;

Ok let me see where i should start off…

School has recently started yesterday and thank god it was only a 2 hour day. Why? because it was late start + early dismissal which literally meant that we went to school for a maximum of 2 hours and then ended up going to my friends house to chill and watching Movies ^^ it was nice lol.

Yea to tell you the truth the first day really wasn’t that bad and obviously since school was so short … but i guess it was because of that feeling you get when you see your friends again. Its that look you see within everybody’s eyes that tell you that their either very lazy and just like they use to or that they are waiting to see their girlfriend/boyfriend to walk in through the front door. Its the feeling that you get when you walk back into the school with the first few steps you take as your breathe in the air and you lungs start to be reminded of the stench of the washroom that is oh so close to the main entrance. Its the feeling that you get to spend a large amount of you day with people that care with you. Yea… thats the feeling I’m trying to literate… It was some what magical when i think about it… being able to have the feeling that there is always somebody there for you is very comforting and even more when their a bunch of 10 people. thats why my first day was so incredible. Old friends that i get to talk to again and catch up, New friends that i get to hang out with even more and the excitement of seeing who’s in your class and even the disappointment that you get when you find out nobody is. Thats the feeling of the first day of school. Incredibly nice but at the same time saddening. Its ironic how all the good things are never perfect. but i guess thats how they get you ready for life LOL.

Well yea some of you might think I’m a bit crazy from thinking of school that well but its true although… that feeling only lasts so long until you start to once again hate anything that even reminds you of school… Ok well thats basically my first impressions of school but thats only the impression… now its time to talk about the things that have been driving me crazy…

Ok so something i have to talk about before school started was actually the registration. after i went to school and registered I went to the food court next door with 2 of my great friends for lunch. Now I really didn’t expect this to happen until school actually started but I guess it’s good to get it over with first. If you haven’t guessed yet I ran into Sam who was passing by with her friend and she decided to sit and chat. Don’t get me wrong I was happy that she still thinks of me as a friend and I’m grateful she thinks of me as a friend but… I don’t know how to explain it… there was that part of me who the whole time when we were talking where I wanted to just grab her hand and then pull her closer and hug/kiss her and then tell her that I still love her but seeing her reminded of the words she said to me when I confessed to her.
“Tommy, Your really sweet and thats the sweetest thing anybody has ever told me, But you know the feelings aren’t mutual right?”. That line keep running through my head no matter how many time I try to concentrate I’m reminded how much I love her and then her response reminds me how I can’t have her.

It really was an awkward conversation and I’m not sure if she felt it too but i just couldn’t concentrate on anything she was saying… i just kept thinking why I can’t get the chance to love her and why I had to be born 2 years younger. and all these other problems that I think are why said no. Eventually I zone back to reality and try my best to control my feelings and focus on the conversation and not seem stupid. I guess i succeeded… we had a few laughs and I was able to keep conversation going so, so far I’m still keeping my word on being friends… I just hope that my will to keep her as a friend is strong enough to fend off my Love for her… That night I cried before I slept… why? I have no idea… it wasn’t really crying i guess… I woke up and found that my eyes were teary and my pillow wet where my eyes were so i guess it was my dreams…

Yea… i noticed that when ever I stop blogging for a long time I tend to cry more than usual even though it seems i cry while I’m sleeping… so i think i should record it or something to find out if I’m right lol.

Something else that’s been very awkward lately is the feelings I get late a night right before I sleep… its this deep loneliness and sadness that I’ve never felt before and could only be match by the feeling i get when i got rejected by Sam, the worst part is that it’s been coming back to haunt me every single night since registration… Now I’m attempting to drown that feeling by watching TV while I sleep which tend to work for the most part…

First day of school officially was today. My courses are a bit messed up because I was forced to backtrack gr.10 drama so that i could take gr.11 drama in second semester but my guidance councilor failed to mention that I had picked 2 extra courses and so my schedule was missing 2 courses, Drama Production and the other being the reason I took Gr.10 drama to begin with… Gr.11 drama. So this has forced me to change my Gr.10 drama to Drama Production which I get to get into without the pre-requisites because I was one of the people who did sound&Lights for most of the assembly’s for the school last year which is why I get that privilege. So basically if they do not allow me to do that course change I’ll be forced to stay in a gr.10 class for no reason and waste 1 of my courses this semester.

Second course change is that I’m going to have to change my Math course level to the easier math which is College/University Math which is still as good since I’m not going into math it wont affect me. Basically its just so i can get my credit since I’m planning to drop my math in gr.12 anyways. But the thing is with this change theres a chance I will screw up my schedule but all my teachers are so nice which is why I really don’t want to… so I’m going to ask them to attempt to leave me other courses where they are and sub the other courses without making too many changes.

Ok that finishes up with my Course problem rants. As for Vocal Music i have it second semester which kinda sucks because Sam will be helping teach but only in first semester which means I won’t be able to see her once a day like last year and seriously that was probably the only way i was able to last through the whole gr.10 year… the thought that I got to see her… I know that seems really really creepy but yea… thats how “into her” i was…

As for other school problems I have a feeling my year won’t be that bad but i will be sure to update after my course change and see who my teachers are and i might have a chance to rethink that…

Gaming

Err I’m going to be taking a break from most gaming including maple story just because of school starting so I will need a few weeks to make sure that I have everything planned out right before I will come back to gaming. Also lately I’ve been having a lack of motivation to do much gaming after my bellocan getting hacked and everything… so yea i think this will be a good break anyways. I’ve joined a supposed Private MS forum but before you tell me its all fake I already know that theres a chance it will be fake but seriously the community is really good and thats one of the main reasons I joined because its a nice break from all those people on Maple story who keep telling me to “fuck off” just because I said Hi…

_____________________________

EF has started a contest within the crew to come up with a new logo for the crew gear (tshirt and hoody) and the winner who comes up with the winning logo will get a Tshirt and a Hoody for free and i have a feeling my friend BBoy TEMPO will win because I’ve seen his design and it’s seriously sick so i will update if he’s willing to scan it lol.

Ok I know that most of this post has been morbid and not very happy but i owe it all to this song:

“Unwritten” by Natasha Beddingfield

This is seriously the only song thats keeping me happy at the moment which is why I put it to loop while writing this post so please if you have a chance check it out because its incredible song!

K Time for dinner Peace outz!

Err there are a few more things about my wisdom tooth sprouting but ill get to that next post

~Urban Tommy

 

New Projects. (Gaming Update 08/26/07)

I’m sorry I haven’t updated in a while but i really was planning to >.>; its just that i got caught up in leveling LOL and yes i did say leveling which means my break from MS has been cut short due to extreme boredom. As most of you know from my previous gaming post that i said i was going to take a break and come back but since my friends tempted me I got caught in the moment and my break turned out to be more like a 30 min nap followed by 24-hour grindfest. So once again urbanway is back into the Maple Universe and I have picked Scania because most of my friends play there and they promised to fund me 55m so how could i resist >.>; err… First off I want to apologize to B0wjob for not being able to play with him in Khaini even though he so generously offered to fund me a little, but as much as i want to play with a celebrity like him my friends have the ability to nag me until I give in.

Ok not that your updated with all that I’m currently taking a short break from Lunia just because the server is extremely unstable and the Lag hits me 5min into a stage and will last through out the rest of the stage which bugs me and I’ve check with many people and It’s not only me. This means i have more time to spend on MS, atleast until school starts which is in about 2 week so i have time to make up for LOL.

I have frapped a few vids of my nooby little lvl 17 bowman as he melees his way to lvl 20. (yes i said melee because I’m extremely meso cautious for some reason…) Um theres not much to update in terms of my character but since I am announcing it as a New project i Will make a new page and post the characters info for anybody interested. My builds will also be supplied.

 

New Hobby? (Life Update 08/26/07)

This might actually be more of a hybrid vocab between my Real life and my Gaming life because lately i have looked into graphics creations like making signatures for forums. This hobby was kinda brought up after looking at some stuff from Sleepwood (MS forum) and i noticed everybody with their extremely cool looking animated Signatures so i was tempted to look into it and i found a Tutorial on how to make one and i gave it a try. First with still pictures to make them look nice and stuff. Second with making basic animations of the puppet move from archers or animating a monsters movements from Maplestory and its quite entertaining lol. Um i have a feeling I’ll be doing this alot when I have nothing to do so I think it deserves it’s own page. So I’m going to add a new page with some of my new graphic works and upcomming projects and what not.

This is a pretty short entry i guess but there really hasn’t been much happening lately… Yesterday i went to a birthday celebration for a Crew member and it was extremely fun and all. We were planning to go to a place called Dave n Busters which is kind of like a Adult Chucky Cheese. When we got there it was about 7pm but a my friends car broke down int eh middle of the high way express lane which made him come late (he was carrying some other crew members too) and so by the time we were there it was 8pm but we found out that people under 19 can’t stay after 10pm. This meant if we went in we still probably have a 45min wait and a long time to wait for the food which made it not worth it so we eventually went to Boston’s Pizza next door. We changed the plans a little and it wasn’t that bad just that some people really wanted to go including me… but what can you do?

Boston’s Pizza wasn’t bad except the fact that there was alot of drama… the Bitchy waitress wouldn’t do seperate bills for everybody which made the price for tips go up to like 15% since the bill was above $150. This meant we were tricked into paying an extra $30. When the bill came everybody paid and we were still missing $20 even after everybody pitched in an extra $2 or so but some people almost payed twice the price of their bill… Sot he Drama was very very uncomfortable and made me kind of scared since this was the first time I saw something like this…

I asked Gabe, Crew member, what he thought I should do for university. Should i stay on residence or live at home to cut back on the price of things and he gave me really good advice to keep in mind that stress would cause my grades to go down. Keeping that in mind I should think about my family problems right now and if i went out of residence how much stress that would cause my mom and how that would inflect on my grades since I’d be stressed out too. So I’m leaning more to staying at home for University now and that would be easier to find a part time job too i guess… but I think i might do some more serious thinking further into the year. Anybody have any suggestions?

 

Love and Happiness

    So lately I’ve been thinking about a few things on the lines of relationships and such. Personally being a 16-yearold chinese male with a poor physique and no having any relationships before makes me always wonder about a few things. In the media “Love” is portrayed as something eternal and something you can only find in “your soul mate” and i think that is very sweet and comforting, Knowing that everybody out there has that “special someone” waiting for them makes us all feel loved and that everybody will find love.  But the thing is… I’ve blindly fell into many child crush and puppy love situations in the past and when ever I was in that sort of a situation the only thing going through my head would be “I love her” but when i think about it now, I was actually abusing that word…

The more I “Fell in love” and the more i used that word to describe my feelings for somebody, the more that word started to seem pointless, wasted, and hollow. I’ve used the word “Love” to describe my feelings for many people and in the end after rejections i eventually got over them. But then if there is only 1 person in the world for you , your “soul mate”, then why anybody even have these feelings of love? If there was only 1 person in the world that is your soul mate then should you only have feelings for that one person? If so then what the hell have I been feeling since i first had a crush?

With so many questions around the subject of love how am i supposed to find happiness from it if i have no idea what it is? I mean to tell you the truth i still haven’t gotten over Sam and I doubt i will anytime soon but when we were to hang out and just chill, I would have a sudden rush of energy, comfortableness, Happiness… and since that didn’t work out what am i supposed to believe? that the things i felt back when i was with her were all fake? remember how i said people are lead to believe that everybody has a soul mate? and that the soul mate is supposed to bring you happiness right? but if Sam brought me such incredible feelings, isn’t my soul mate then would she be better than finding my “Soul mate”?

I know that i am over thinking really trivial things and that everybody would say i should just relax and things like “there are many fish in the sea” but the thing is I’m starting to get tired of this constant wave of sadness that hits me every time I think that Sam isn’t my “one and only”. To tell you the truth I’m semi relieved that it didn’t work out because if it really did… I’d have no idea how to treat her… I guess it was for the better of her after all.

“If you truly love somebody, You will do what is best for them and not think of yourself”

“When you truly love somebody. You’ll know”

Quotes that probably all  of you have heard of either from TV or read in a book. These are the things that keep our minds at ease and gives us that certain comfortableness. I’m starting to like that feeling… maybe i should stop thinking so much.

 

Bellocan catastrophy.

I’m sorry everybody that’s known me on bellocan with my new low-dex sin but apparently one of my supposed “Friends” hacked me and now i no longer have the account which Pride1391 and UrbanSteel is on… This hacker apparently knows me personally because he knows my name and where i live and such which means he is one of my friends which i am currently searching for = =; I’m so going to hurt him when i find him… But if worst comes to worst i will no longer play maplestory until further notice. I’m just fed up with the training if i have to start all over again from scratch. I may come back eventually when i find more friends to play with me but until further notice i am atm retired from maplestory.

On the other note. Due to my increase of free time i will more concentrate on Lunia which has become highly addictive and since I actually have friends that play frequently I tend to stick with that game for a while. You will see my character info in one of the tabs if you just take a look. I’m Currently level 36 for those keeping track. I think I’m about 50% >.>; I would’ve lvled last night but the server was a bit buggy making it impossible to train…

So on this very sad note i say farewell to all those friends that I’ve made over the past few months on bellocan and I regret not being able to get to know you guys better. BUT if i do ever return to maplestory you will probably find me in Scania starting my future project as a sniper! so until it would be incredible if you would keep in contact with me either through email, msn, or just commenting here ^^.

Those who i idolized and used as inspiration to train in MS -

iAngeliai – Delphinus

B0wJob – Khaini

P0kgai – jMS (somewhere >.>) , Tespia

once again i bid you farewell but please keep in contact ^^